did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
