I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
