I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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