If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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