Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
