Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
