I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
