Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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