No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
