worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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