my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
