Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
