I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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