I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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