Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize