Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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