I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
