He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
