I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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