the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
