"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
