No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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