At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
