I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
