end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
