He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
