Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
