My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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