On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
