i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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