Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
