I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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