Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
