theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
