just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
