He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
