had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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