Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize