I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
