Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
