im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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