They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
