Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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