Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Found your dick twin last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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