Porn is love you can see.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
