if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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