Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
