i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
