You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
