She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
