dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
