So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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