and you said cock pushups were impossible
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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