Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
