Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
