yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
