Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
