Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
