At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
