using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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