If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you never un-have a 4some
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
