Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize