No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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