I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
