Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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