this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
