I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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