just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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