I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
