someone owes me an orgasm
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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