I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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