I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
