I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
