now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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