nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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