Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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