Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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